The Preaching Pitcher

I recently walked into an office building and requested to use the fax machine.  I was led to the fax machine and given a few quick instructions.  After I was left to begin messing up the instructions I had just received, I noticed something very interesting beside the fax machine.  What I saw was a "Preaching Pitcher."  What is a "Preaching Pitcher," you ask?  I'll confess that I didn't know what a preaching pitcher was until I saw it.  But very simply, it's a pitcher of water that preaches.😊

Do pitchers of water preach??  Not typically.  But this one does!  And it preached to me so loudly that I couldn't deny what I heard.  There was a label taped to the pitcher that read, "IF YOU USE ME, FILL ME UP."  Had we actually been in church when I read this, we could have ended service right there.  The message had come through loud and clear, and I had everything I needed!  For those who may have missed the message, or for those who may not speak fluent water pitcher, fear not; I'm happy to translate!

You wanna know why this water pitcher has this label attached to it?  It's because the very thing that it's asking is not often done.  Undoubtedly, there were several people in that office who used this water pitcher to pour themselves a cold drink when they were in need.  However, there are likely very few, if any, who thought to replace what they took; so that when the next person came, they too, would be able to have cool drink.

It's a very simple principle and practice.  Not unlike, “If you mess it up, clean it up."  It seems self-explanatory in terms of why the rule exists.  It focuses on personal accountability and courtesy to others.  Unfortunately, the human experience is often more messy than tidy.  It is often more complicated than simple.  And those things which ought to be done, are often left undone.  That is, until consequence is introduced, or the ones who do bear the load for the masses stop bearing that load, & granting a free pass to those who only have in mind to consume, and not to contribute.

The pitcher got me to thinking.  “If we struggle with re-filling empty pitchers, how good are at re-filling empty people?”  I would imagine that if we’re missing the mark in an area as small as an office water pitcher, we’re likely missing the mark in other areas that matter; specifically, with people.  People are a lot like water pitchers.  We all have the capacity to pour out, and to be poured into.  We make these transactions in every relationship we have.  What this preaching pitcher reminded me of was that we ought to be pouring back into the people who are pouring into us.  The pouring relationship isn’t always equal.  However, in some form or fashion, we ought to be giving back to those who give to us.

Sometimes that giving will be financial.  Sometimes that giving will be material.  Other times, that giving may simply be words and expressions of gratitude; perhaps acts of service that show another how much we appreciate what they do for us.  We may not have a lot to offer.  But some pour is better than no pour!

The funny thing about this “Preaching Pitcher,” is that though speaking, it cannot speak for itself.  Someone had to tape the sign onto the pitcher, so that those who use it would be aware of their need to put back what they take out.  Similarly, there are many unsung heroes of the human variety, who pour out all day long into the cups of others.  However, though these people have the ability to speak, they often don’t.  They say nothing about their own need.  They don’t mention that their levels are getting lower and lower, and depleting their ability to give and to be relied upon.  Sometimes, their depletion isn’t discovered until they're empty, and those who typically make withdrawals from them can’t get anything at all.  The sad thing is, when that happens, our first thoughts aren’t to replenish and restore.  Our first mind is often to complain, and to ask, “Why doesn’t this person have what I need, when they know I need it?”  We get angry and feel entitled to what we’re now missing, instead of becoming apologetic and helpful.

How can the largest “pitchers” among us actually become empty?  It’s because the very best people, are people at best.  People have needs.  Both to pour out, and to be poured into.  I hope to remind you today of what this "Preaching Pitcher" remind me of: If you owe a debt to anyone, pay it.  If money, then money.  If respect, then respect.  If honor, then honor. (Romans 13:7)

Never underestimate what a little can do!  A little money, a little respect, a little service, and a little honor, can go a long way. 

And never forget, empty pitchers don’t give anything!  Neither do empty people.

Reflections from "Divorce In The Black"

 After watching Tyler Perry's film, "Divorce In The Black,"  I had one pervasive thought at the conclusion of the film.  I can sum up the thought in two brief, very simple words: BE CAREFUL.

I am not yet a film writer, nor am I a qualified film critic.  My greatest reflection after the film didn't move me to critique, but to caution.  My caution isn't for those like Mr. Perry who created the content.  My caution isn't even for the general viewer.  My caution is for the married person, whose marriage is in a state of trouble.  Perhaps even for the newly divorced person, who like the person with the troubled  marriage, just watched this film, and said to themselves, "That's us!"  "That was our situation, almost exactly!"  It's my belief, as a divorced person, that having these feelings after watching is particularly dangerous.

I say this, because though there are some situations that look very much like what played out on screen between Ava & Dallas, this is not the story of the the majority of troubled marriages or divorced couples.  DITB did however tell the story that many divorced couples tell themselves and others about their relationships.  That being, that there is a clear-cut victim, and a clear-cut villain.  Someone is clearly doing right, and the other is clearly doing wrong.  Someone is sane, and someone is crazy.  And not only are they crazy, but their mother, brothers, and their whole family is crazy too!

Many people in troubled marriages or those who have experienced divorce tell themselves that they were the one who fought for the marriage and took their vow seriously, while their partner went about the business of sabotage and tore the house down with their own hands.  They believe that they're the "good-guy," in the story.  And their partner is not only the "bad-guy," but is also in need of major spiritual and psychological help.  Help that you'll take, but don't really need, except to heal from the wounds you've developed from years of being abused by the "bad-guy."

While there actually are a few situations out there that virtually mirror Ava & Dallas' relationship in DITB, the majority of troubled marriages and divorces are not nearly this cut & dry with regard to how they fell from where they started.  Sure, most fights begin because someone threw a first punch.  But how many of us have truly sat back and taken the blows without countering and throwing a few shots of our own?  And if/when we do, we justify our actions saying, "They did it first!  We would have never been in this situation if it wasn't for them starting it!"

In some marriages, someone may start off as a true victim of their partner's actions.  If what that person has chosen to forgive and work through isn't truly forgiven and processed appropriately, that person may remain in that marriage long enough to see themselves become the "villain."  If not by committing similar offenses against their partner, then by harshly punishing their partner.  Either by denying intimacy, refusing to let the past go, or both.

While some marriages end due to the egregious actions of one person, the majority of failed marriages come to an end because of the collective short-comings of two people who could not work together to overcome the obstacles they faced.  It often isn't so simple to designate an "at fault" party.  Typically, both parties bare far more blame than they are personally willing to admit.

Regardless of cultural shifts that now see divorce as a reason to celebrate, divorce is usually anything but.  The lives of men, women, and children can change forever when divorce occurs.  And while there is grace to start fresh and begin anew, we should not take this grace for granted by rushing to divorce, or seeking it as an option, absent of just cause.

My hope is that those who may be near divorce would consider their own failures more carefully than they do those of their partner.  I likewise hope that those who are divorced would not remain as bound outside the marriage as you may have been within it, by refusing to forgive and let go of the deeds of your ex.  It is my prayer that you would allow the LORD to heal you before you do anything else; especially get married again.

Sometimes, we think we are not spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically "in the red."  A closer look may show us just how far away from being "in the black" we really are.  Please be careful.  Be careful about the way you see and judge others.  But be most careful about the way you see and judge yourself.